Inner Languages In love

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Even husbands and wives, who know each other better than anyone, often fail to "connect" because they have never learned each other's Inner Language. A husband, trying for a romantic anniversary dinner, reserves a sunset-view table at a fine restaurant, orders his wife's favorite wine, His wife, meanwhile, gets increasingly cranky and has a splitting headache by the time they get home.

What happened? Simple. His inner language is visual, and hers is auditory. The restaurant was busy and noisy and their table, despite its great view, was near the kitchen.

My concept of "Inner Languages" derives from an erudite specialty within psychology known as "Neuro Linguistic Programming," or more commonly, "NLP." Some of us are more "tuned into" the world through what we see, others through what we hear, and others through what we feel or "sense" about a situation. The problem with these differences is they're invisible. Like the wife in the restaurant, we don't know how someone else can have such a different perception of what to us seems obvious.

Just

remember that you don't have to become an instant Inner Languages recognition expert. Your romantic relationship skills will jump immediately and dramatically if you simply expect these invisible Inner Language differences to crop up. When they do, try not to feel like your views are being attacked, but rather that your date or lover is adding a new and interesting "take" on the situation.

The three Inner Language types are:

The Visual Person
Visual men and women are conscious of their looks and are usually dressed appropriately for whatever they are doing, even if it's gardening. Watch closely when you ask them a question which requires some thought; before replying, their eyes will look up, as if they're visualizing the answer. Visual people are often slow in expressing their emotions.

The Auditory Person
Auditory people tend to be good communicators; they enjoy talking and can read your mood in the tone of your voice. Tuned to the sounds of words, they are often quite analytical, noticing inconsistencies and preferring things clearly stated rather than implied. Before replying to a question, their eyes will glance from right to left, like watching a tennis match, which means they're having a quick conversation with themselves about the answer.

An auditory person can be a good match for a non-auditory person, even if they don't immediately notice your new hairdo or that you've shaved your moustache. They're more interested in the "inner you", how your mind works, and they'll listen avidly to you telling about how your day went. Talking their language is as simple as saying, "I hear what you're saying," instead of "I can see that," or "I feel that way, too."

The Feelings Person
Feelings people are generally the most laid-back. They are relatively unconcerned about their appearance and love hugging, eating, and relaxing. Before responding to a question, their eyes will tend to look down, as if they're consulting their "gut feelings" on the subject.

A feelings person can be a good match for any other type. Although they tend to rank lowest on the neatness scale, they're sensitive to your moods, nurturing and empathetic.

Now, start to understand the inner language of your lover.