Should Gay Couples Adopt?

Marriage And Beyond

oi-Anwesha Barari

By Anwesha Barari

Friday, August 26, 2011, 17:46

These days gay couples do adopt kids irrespective of whether or not they are married. Whether gay adoption is a good thing or a bad one is highly debatable and you are the best judge of it. However, if you are a gay couple looking to adopt a child then here are certain pros and cons of adoption that you must consider before you take the plunge.

Food for Thought For Gay Parents:

• Can you give the child a secure family atmosphere to grow?

This is a very pertinent question all same sex couples should ask themselves before they adopt. A family is based on gender roles. The woman is the mother, the nurturer and the man, who is the provider. This is the accepted family set up in which every child grows. If a gay couple adopts there will be a drastic change of gender roles. Though you both are men, one will have to play the role of a nurturer. Which means one of you have to sacrifice your career at least for a year or two to be with the child while the other partner plays the role of provider. Are you willing for that sacrifice?

• Can you give the child a secure society to grow in?

As gay parents this will be a great challenge for you. You both can control the family environment but what about the society? How will you deal with the ridicule your child is bound to face at school as they are the product of gay adoption. Who will the child socialize with. Are there other same sex couples like you who have adopted so that you child gets to see some semblance of normalcy in this absurd set up? Children can be cruel to their peers. In that case how will you deal with your child's insecurities in such a volatile atmosphere?

• How will you spill the beans?

Every adopted child has to be told that they have been adopted. Now in case of a man woman couple, there is a choice of informing the child at any time of his or life because there is not reason to arouse suspicion. But as you are gay parents you won't have that kind of luxury. By the time the child is 5 or6 they will sense that they have two dads and no mom. To explain concepts of personal choice and sexuality to a 5 year old is a hell of a task. Gay couples must adopt only if they are up for it.

• What happens if you split?

There area good no. of gay marriages happening these days but the numbers are still low. If there is no legal document binding you to each other then what is the security for the child of gay adoption?

Before gay couples adopt they should be able to answer these questions.